you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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