She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
