He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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