I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
