i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
