i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
