I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
