I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
