i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
