Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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