I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
