we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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