So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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