Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
