Betty ford says i'm here all night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
