I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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