You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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