She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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