dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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