so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
