Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
