Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
