I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
