i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
