I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
