whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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