Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
