I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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