Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
