Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
