Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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