I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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