"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Randomize
