he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
