my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
