im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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