too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
