I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
