I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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