final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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