i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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