this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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