How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
