And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
