maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
