Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my being single is dangerous.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
