My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
