My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
