what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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