I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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