Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
