I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
