I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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