Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
