highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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