So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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