he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
