Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
