It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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