she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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