the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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