So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
