So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
