We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
